UhInsane?
by poverty-sucks
Summary: This fic is more than abit stupid but hey...It's about Harry and...well..stuff.
1. Default Chapter

I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY,TWISTER, LEAVE IT TO BEAVER OR ANYTHING ELSE PROFITABLE OR FAMOUS SO TAKE PITY AND DON'T SUE! I ADVISE FLAME HAPPY READERS TO GO ELSEWHERE BUT FLAME IF YOU MUST! Please R&R! I DISCLAIM EVERYTHING! Also, be warned that this fic is just going to get lamer and lamer and lamer and lamer and..  
  
CHAPTER1: IN WHICH I DON'T EVEN ACKNOLEDGE SIRIUS'S DEATH AND THE DURSLEYS ARE KINKY.  
  
We begin...  
  
"I can't believe you made me do this!" screamed Harry indignantly "Wait untill I tell my friends on you!  
"Shut up and bend over," leered Dudley threateningly "Not so tough without your wand are you? Hurry up and assume the position so I can go."  
Snivelling pathetically, Harry "assumed the position." Now it was Dudley's turn. Harry braced himself, ready to take it...Then he heard a spinning noise behind him and Dudley's voice said,  
"Left hand,green."  
Suddenly Dudley slipped and his huge bulk toppled over Harry and pinned him to the Twister board where he struggled for breath.  
"Now we play tag!" shouted Dud but was interrupted by a loud bang as the Weasleys burst through the fire place(again)  
"I'm saved!" Harry ties to say but his voice is muffled by Dudley's fat body.  
The Weasleys took one look at Dud on top of Harry and began to back up very slowly...Except Ron who is always oblivious of everything and a little slow to catch on.  
"Hey Harry, so I was thinking we could play-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  
Dudley's eyes got huge and he tried to leap to his feet but fell back down on Harry, who felt his ribs crack. Finally Dudley jumps up and runs away screaming, "MY TONGUE , MY ASS, MY ASS, MY TONGUE! MY ASSSS!"  
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia run in half-naked , Aunt Petunia is wearing hand cuffs and Uncle Vernon is covered in whipped cream.(The Weasleys blush and tun into carrots)  
"Who's got their tongue in your ass, Diddy Dinkums?"  
"Hey! Those damn carrots ruined the lounge Again!"Yells Vernon waving his arms and covers everyone in what they think is whipped cream. But they aint carrots no more...and Dudley has vanished...  
"Gee, you ain't still sore about that are you Mr. Dursley? We're awful sorry." said Mr. Weasley while cheesy Leave it to Beaver music plays in the background.  
"Well if your sorry..than you can take Harry with you."  
"Golly! No foolin'? Swell!"  
(Harry on the floor writhing in pain from his broken ribs)  
"AND NEVER BRING HIM BACK!"( heavy Metal replaces Leave It To Beaver theme)  
"But I have to dwell in my aunt's blood or I'll die!" whines Harry  
"GAA!" Uncle Vernon seizes Aunt Petunia and thrusts a hypodermic needle into her arm and extracts some blood. Then he puts it in a bag and sticks it on a sombreo.  
"There!" he says, shoving the sombreo on Harry's head "Now you'll never have to come back!" (he stuffs a sucker into Aunt Petunia's mouth and gives her a band-aid)  
Mr.Weasley looks puzzled. "Why didn't Dumbledore think of that?"  
  
So they leave the Dursley's for the Burrow and Harry finds that Hermione has been there for two weeks already.  
"Why is it that Hermione is with you before I am?" Harry asks Ron while the other Weasleys snigger.  
"Oh, er...well .."  
"I- uh, well its..  
Harry looks around at everyone suspisiously.   
They waltz into the kitchen where Mrs.Weasley immediatly rushes to Harry, but seeing her husband beside him, controlls herself and is satisfied by squeezing Harry's tight little ass under the pretense of giving him a hug. He's smiles but is secretly peeing his pants in fright as he backs away.  
Later Harry, Ron and Hermione go up to Ron's room where he tells them he redecorated. As they enter the Fab Five from Queer Eye4 The Straight Guy come out of the closet(get it?) and Harry pees his pants again as Carson smiles at him. (Queer eye theme plays)  
"Hey we thought we would blend a little of his tastes with ours!"  
"I made a soufle!" says Ron excitedly  
"Well we've got to run lovelies but we'll be watching! Fab5 away!" (get into the ugly van thing and leave)  
"That was a little weird" says Hermione "I thought they left.'  
Harry looks at Ron in surprise.  
"I didn't know that you were straight!" he said to his best friend of five years.  
  
After Harry recovered from his bloody nose, the three walked into Ron's newly redecorated room. The rotating bed was covered in orange lace and Harry noticed a sign-in form on the head board. It was all filled up by the name Micheal Jackson...whoever that was.. Ron goes through and shows the Boy Who Lived all his crap while Harry ignores him as usual and thinks about himself. And of coarse Ron is oblivious to Hermione's sad attempts at flirtation. Then Hermione takes out her C.D player and they listen to Pink Floyd while Harry scowls because he's mad and doesn't know why... then he remembers the puberty video he saw at school said that was normal and he feels a lot better.  
  
Short, I know but I was cut short because 'Here I Go Again' by WhiteSnake came on the radio and I HAD to give it my full attention! So tell me what you thought and go ahead and flame so I can make fun of you! Don't get all indignant, I WARNED YOU! Well, Au Revoir! Oh, and does anyone know the proper spelling of acknoledge? Wait a minute... 


	2. Chapter2

I own nothing, not Harry Potter or any of the songs that may appear in this fic. I don't own asprin or anything else, and I'm PROUD to say that I do not own Lucky Charms or the jingle. THIS IS A DISCLAIMER SO DO NOT SUE ME! Oh and I'd like to apologize for the time in between posts, see, I only get 10hrs. a month 2b online and I have 2 share it! So, yeah...In the mean time I'll just crank out new chapters! R&R!!!!!  
  
We are off...  
  
"Has anyone seen my Justin Timberlake C.D?" asks Harry as the Weasleys, he and Hermione prepare to head to Grimmauld Place the day before goind to Kings Cross Station.  
Fred and George begin doing a kind of New Kids Dance and reply that it's in the trash and Harry cries.  
  
"C'mon mate," says Ron " It was a stupid C.D. anyway!"  
  
Harry starts throwing things at Ron and yells' NO IT WASN'T! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! YOU STANDING THERE-  
  
"Yeah I think you said that once before Harry." Hermione says rolling her eyes  
  
"You don't understand how I feel! Everyone hates me!" Then he runs away crying.  
  
Ron looks at Hermione while Fred and George imitate Harry's fairy run.  
  
"Why do we hang out with him anyway?"  
  
When they get to Grimmauld Place they find that Kreacher is still there.  
  
"He killed my Godfather!" screams Harry  
  
"Well actually it was your fault Harry, stop blaming everyone else, it's getting old!" say Hermione, then she turns to Kreahcer and says "Hello Kreacher! Did Have a nice summer? I'm gonna be your good buddy!"  
"The mudblood seems to be trying to get in Kreacher's loincloth...But Kreacher prefers the Potter boy's owl , but Kreacher must take what he can get and if the Mudblood wants it, well Kreacher's got it..." Everyone: EWWW!  
  
The next day letters from Hogwarts arrive and the gang notices an extra letter which reads:  
  
Hey Yo, what's the dilio?  
This year at Hogwarts we plan to ignore the fact that we are at war by  
hosting a karaoke party with Dumbledore's magic machine  
For this event you will need dress robes...and a sense of humor.  
Practice a song  
B.Y.O.B.  
Minerva McGonagll  
Deputy Headmistress  
  
"Exellent!" says Ron excitedly "I'm going to practice all my favorite songs!" (clears his throat) "Oh baby, baby how was I supposed to know-"  
Everyone:Urgh! SILENCIO!  
Ron is forced to practice in silence while Harry and Hermione have one of their important conversations.  
  
"It goes hearts, STARS, horseshoes!" Hermione matterof-factly  
"No it doesn't! It's hearts, rainbows, stars!" screams Harry stomping his feet and causing everyone to look at him disgustedly.  
  
"Gosh Harry, need a pacifier?" smirks George  
"It's not my fault!" Harry wails, looking around at them all. "I'm becoming a man!"  
"Is that what he calls it?" Hermione whispers to Ron who smirks  
"No! My body is developing!"  
"I'll say!" Mrs.Weasley says giving Harry an appraising glance (Ron becomes VERY uncomfortable)  
'It's not fair! You're all ganging up against me!" screams Harry "C'mon Ron, stick up for me!"  
Ron takes a drag off of his his cigarette and blows the smoke in Harry's face.  
"Change your tampon, take an asprin, get a life and then we'll talk" Ron say as he walks away.  
  
If you hate this story and you're on chapter two then maybe you have a problem. Maybe this fic will get better, maybe not...depends on my mood. Also, if you know that your parents don't want you to read this than what are you doing in the R rated section? I will not tolerate any "Concerned Mothers" complaining about my story. (everyone else can) IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE CONTENT OF MY FIC THEN DON'T READ IT, GENIUS! Well, 'til next time! Au Revoir! 


End file.
